December 7, 2010
Dealing with information that sounds strange may not always be handled well.
Even though the conversation was supposed to be spiritual it got personal. Dave started attacking me and trying to deliver a nasty knock out punch when that women walked in. I was all ears to his spiritual words while he experessed anger against some of the things that I said. He did a big no no which is dragging out the past to hurt. Then I dragged out the past on him to show him what it felt like. Now I know that a human error is to drag the past out on someone and not see them fresh as changing person who is not exactly their past. Strange how past actions can be used like a library against a person. It was like he liked some of the things I said and then he was acting nicer to me. He actaually seemed to be highly aggitated and feel attacked when I said something that was totally unintentionally disagreable to him. Like he had no filters. Everything I said to him was believed to be political and not really heart felt and sincere and just my understanding that I was not trying to push on him. Like we were both taking turns fairly. I felt like it was a time to share, but he seemed like he felt like he had to be right and me wrong and him powerful and me not and eventually burn the bridge almost. He made it sound that Chico was giving me a safe place to grow up in and that I was very imature and he did not really know me now enough to know how I had changed. He acknowledged that I am an avid learner which is my saving grace as I wish to improve my skills and better myself as a person. He may have felt that I was not in cue with the conversation. He did not get what I was trying to do with him. I think Dave has a big ego and can get really touchy as a result. Perhaps we should have scaled down the time of the conversation, but then that incident where that girl walked in would have never happened. The show of bridges and walls was made evident by God. Was very valuable. I did not find that any of Daves judgments acusations rudeness to have to or really stick. His fight or flight mechanism went off and he deals with that in a not so good way. His mouth is too connected to his fight or flight part of himself. This is also likely a fear problem which triggers more easily with him like it did with Celeste. So there is fear, ego, and anger. That must be the formula for all amazing nutty people I have met. These people were though attracted to belief in a very intense way a fundamentalist way with a doctrine outside of their own experience. Dave was accepting the idea about dirrect experience as it is related to spirituality. In our uniqueness we can take up anti-social behavior. There are young souls and old souls and we all have the human experience which is very universal. The need for love and our anxiety about that is the key and comforming is 90% of the game not the other way around. At least Dave said I make people laugh.
November 17, 2010
God and all the stuff
I can not see
Is this but nature
And the trees
Our nature
In our heat
The forest can be dark
Or full of light
To always
There is magic
There is nothing less
Nor more
Life.
July 13, 2010
Celeste.
My heart is tender
For I have loved
Loved her so deep
I still love her
And wish she were here
She is really smart
And quite a dear.
April 22, 2010
I am not sure if there is anything that Godly about sex.
It’s something we need to do, that we do, because like all other animals that is something we do, we get horny, sometimes we yearn for touch just to be touched and as young men the thoughts do cross our minds way too much for us to be decent people as easilly especially when combined with an overly sexed culture, especially when not contaminated with VD. Now of course things are contaminated and the people have been over exposed to sex to the point that something about it’s attraction has gone down.
March 23, 2010
Though I like a great looking girl’s bottom.
Too much of watching that is unhealthy to the God within me.
